


Crazy House Auction

by Dark_Labyrinth



Category: Letterkenny (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 18:12:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17688374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dark_Labyrinth/pseuds/Dark_Labyrinth
Summary: I used a couple of characters from season 4. I hope you don't mind. You'll definitely get a sneak at them if you haven't watched past season 3 yet. I enjoyed writing this. It's the first time I've written a fic that was mostly dialog. So I apologize now if it's not up to par. But I got a giggle and a laugh here and there and I hope you do too.





	Crazy House Auction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sanidine](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanidine/gifts).



Tanis came up the produce stand the other day… 

 

“Tanis, how ya now?” Wayne asked as he stood. Should always stand for a lady.

“Not bad, you?” Tanis said. Zack was climbing out of the truck to join her. 

“Not so bad, what brings ya here?” Wayne pulled a beer out. “Puppers?” 

“Yeah,” Tanis took the proffered beer. 

“Zack Russell Terrier,” Katy said. “How ya now?” 

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Wayne said, a bit under his breath.

“Nope,” Tanis said and shook her head.

“Not so great,” Zack said and reached for the Puppers Katy offered him. 

“What’s wrong?” Katy asked. 

“My uncle Loco died,” Zack said.

“He was a good guy,” Tanis said. 

“Damn good guy,” Zack said and they all lifted their beer to drink. 

“Sorry to hears that,” Dan said.

“Very sorry, glad to hear he was a good guy,” Wayne said. 

“Damn good guy,” Zack said.

“Fucking great guy,” Tanis said and they all lifted their beer to drink. 

“What can we do?” Katy asked. 

“We were going to hold an auction for his things. We thought we could use the money to put back into the Res.” Tanis put her hand on Zack’s shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

“Anything we could do to help,” Wayne said. 

“I figured. You both did great with Uncle Eddie’s money,” Tanis said. 

“Which one is your Uncle Loco?” Katy asked. 

“My Uncle Cal Gary’s dad.” 

“Loco Casa?” Katy asked. 

“You’re fucking kidding me,” Wayne said under his breath. Katy held in the smile. She knew what Wayne’s reaction was and he was right on point. 

“Nope,” Tanis said.

“You knew him?” Zack asked with a hopeful tone. 

“No, I was just clarifying,” Katy asked. “I’m in.”

“I’m in, too. I could talk to Jim about helping.” Wayne knew Jim would volunteer his time to a good cause. 

“I could get the Gus n bru,” Daryl offered.

“I’ll get the pig for the party,” Tanis said. “Best to have a barbeque after. You on Puppers?” She asked looking at Dan.

“Anything I can dos to help, Miss Tanis,” Dan replied and stood from his usual perch.

********************

Modean’s 2 was full and it seemed that just about everyone was there.

Wayne, Squirrelly Dan, Katy, and Daryl all sat at the bar with Tanis. 

“Pretty good turnout,” Tanis said.

“Not so bad,” Wayne responded. 

Jim Dickens made his way over to Tanis.

“Jim Dickens, how you now?” Wayne said

“Good n you?” Jim said, though his face clearly was not good.

“Tell that to your face,” Tanis responded. 

“Well I…” Jim started, he looked down at the cards he held with all the items for the auction in his hands. “This last…” he said and shook his head. “I’ve never….” 

“Tick tock!” Wayne said with a hint of irritation. 

“Pitter patter, Jim. What’s bothering you?” Katy asked. 

Jim looked at Tanis and showed her the final card. “I’ve never done that sort of…” 

“Shhh, that’s meant to be a surprise,” Tanis put the card back to the bottom of the pile. “Sort of a grand finale. If you will.” 

Jim gave her a shocked look and spared a glance to his friends before turning to head back to the stage where a podium had been set up next to a table to display the few items for auction. How it would hold the last item he didn’t know but he was not going to think about that until they got there. 

Wayne glared at Tanis. “I have a feeling I’m not going to like this.”

Tanis blew him a kiss. “Don’t worry, boo. It’s going to a good cause.”

********************

Jim motioned and Bonnie McMurray came out with an old album.

“Bonnie McMurray,” Dan, Daryl and Katy all whispered. 

“Well this is a treat, this is a treat. What we have here that Miss Bonnie is showing you is a first release of the Best of Toulouse which, as you know has the greatest disco song ever made: It always happens this way.”

Bonnie walked the stage back and forth wearing a tight black dress that was also a bit short. She held the album up above her head. 

“Can I get five dollars?”

Wayne raised his hand while Daryl looked excited.

“Five, now lookin’ at six…” 

Daryl had raised his hand. 

“Can I get ten?” 

Gail raised her hand. 

“That’s ten, we have ten. That’s ten big ones… Wayne won’t be undersold, that’s fifteen to Wayne.” 

Wayne smiled and Daryl pouted. He hadn’t brought a lot of money. Well, most was there for Puppers and Gus n brew. 

“Fifty dollars!” Glen shouted. 

Wayne glared at him. 

“That’s a big basket of buckeroos. We have fifty that’s fifty dollars. Going once… Wayne…” 

Wayned still glared at Glen. 

“Fifty going twice… Sold to the slightly fabulous Glen for Fifty buckeroos.”

“Whoooooo!!!” Glen exclaimed and clapped his hands. He ran to the stage and grabbed the mic. 

“Sorry Wayney Wayne. I just _had_ to have it. You can come over for a listenpoo. If you want.” 

“No thanks,” Wayne said and took a rather aggressive drink of his beer. 

“You know where to find me.” Glen said and handed the mic back to Jim. 

“No I don’t,” Wayne growled. “Gail, Gus n brew, now.” 

Gail poured him a shot. “Need me to untwist those panties, I don’t mind.” 

“Dial it back about twenty percent there, Gail.” Wayne said. He was trying not to take his losing out on Gail. 

A few more items came and went with Daryl winning a pot he liked. So he sat happily drinking his beer. Holding his pot. A hockey stick signed by Patrick Roy was the big earner. Some Big shoots from the city bought it for a couple of thousand. Didn’t even let Jim get his Auction going before he bid and everyone just shrugged. 

“Last is something unique and possible for the ladies. We have a date with not one, but two nephews of Uncle Loco. Zack Russell Terrier…”

“Present,” Zack said and jumped on stage. 

Jim arched a brow and looked back at his card. “And Ty…” Jim stopped and looked up. “Food.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Wayne said under his breath. 

“Nope,” Tanis said with a smirk. 

“Present,” Ty said and jumped on the stage. 

“Fifty dollars,” Katy yelled before Jim could start once more. He glared at her. 

“Katy!” Wayne exclaimed. 

“Gutty!” Katy said. 

Wayne opened his mouth to speak. Closed it. Opened again. Then opted on a hard glare at his sister. 

“We have fifty from the line jumper, Katy. Can I get a sixty?” Jim said as he tried to gain control once more. 

“Sixty five!” Gail shouted. Her body was already gyrating as she looked over the boys on stage. 

“Seventy five!” Katy yelled. 

“That’s sixty five from Gail and seventy five from interrupting Katy. Now looking at seventy five. Can I get an eighty?” 

Gail groaned as Zack did a small turn on the stage. “One hundred!” 

Katy’s jaw dropped. 

“One hundred big ones from the purveyor of this fine establishment. Looking at one hundred. That’s one hundred dollars, one hundred buckeroos… Can I hear one hundred and five. That’s one hundred and five. Looking for one hundred and five.”

“One hundred and twenty!” Katy yelled. 

“Looking at one hundred twenty. That’s one hundred twenty ways to play for our young Katy. One hundred twenty ways to pay for a date with two, count ‘em two young men for Katy. One hundred twenty ways to give back to the Res…..” 

“Dickerson!” Wayne yelled. 

“It’s Dicksen!” 

“I know, I’m sorry. Get after it.” Wayne was sitting with his arms crossed staring at his sister. 

“I plan to,” Katy said under her breath. 

“Looking at one hundred and twenty. Do I hear One thirty?” Jim asked. 

“Fuck!” Gail growled. She put all her money in the bar. 

“One twenty going once…” Jim looked around the room and stopped on Gail. “Going twice…” Gail flipped him off. 

“Sold to the beautiful Katy for One Hundred and Twenty dollars!”

Katy beamed. 

“Have fun,” Tanis said. 

“Oh, I plan to.” Katy said.


End file.
